It was Christmas morning. The warm sunlight streaming through the window 
fell on Chester Bennington's pale cheek and awoke him from a dream he was 
having about being asked to be Chad Pennington's best man at his wedding to 
Tom Brady. He rolled over and saw Mike Shinoda standing on the other side of 
the bed, already half-dressed.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," said Mike with a laugh. "You'll be late for 
breakfast."

Chester laughed too. Linkin Park had just finished the final leg of their 
Ninja Robots Battle the World tour, and to celebrate, they were spending the 
Christmas holiday at an inn in the sleepy Connecticut town of Stars Hollow 
called The Dragonfly. Chester and Mike were staying in a big suite up on the 
second floor filled with antique furniture and a feather bed with carved 
wooden posts. The rest of the band slept out in the stables.

Chester slide out of bed, the sunlight warming his pale, skinny body. He 
knew deep down that today was going to be the best Christmas ever. He had 
picked out the perfect Christmas gift for Mike - a shiny black toboggan that 
had caught his eye at a small shop called Mrs. Kim's Antiques. He was really 
looking forward to giving it to Mike so they could hit the hills together.

When Chester was finally dressed, he and Mike went downstairs to join the 
rest of the band, who were already eating breakfast in the Dragonfly's 
dining room. Brad Delson, their guitarist, was slurping coffee loudly at a 
table in the centre of the room, a pile of melon rinds at his feet and 
poppyseeds scattered all across the table. They went to join him.

"Merry Christmas, Brad!" exclaimed Mike.

Brad just frowned. "Christmas is lame, guys," he whined. Chester and Mike 
rolled their eyes. Chester knew that this Christmas was going to be anything 
but lame.

Then,  Lorelai Gilmore, the attractive, free-spirited owner of the inn, came 
over to see how things were at their table.

"How are things today?" she asked cheerfully.

"Great!" exclaimed Vester. Mike bobbed his head in agreement, and Brad just 
leered wolfishly at her.

All of a sudden, Lorelai's eldest and only daughter Rory came running into 
the dining room, still in her Yale pyjamas, a look of wild fear in her big 
blue eyes. She seemed flushed and ought of breath.

"Mom, come quick," she demanded. "The worst thing ever has happened!"

Lorelai gasped. "Worse than the swan dress Bjork wore to the Oscars?"

"Much worse!" said Rory.

"Worse than the time Jimmy Page sold the rights to Whole Lotta Love to 
Jay-Z?" asked Lorelai.

"Worse than watching Mariah Carey in Glitter after an all-you-can-eat 
seafood buffet at Al's Pancake World," declared Rory firmly.

"That's awful. What could be that bad?" said Lorelai, a look of disdain and 
nausea on her face.

"Someone has stolen all the snow!" affirmed Rory.

Everyone in the room gasped. A feeling of panic came over Chester. If there 
was no snow, he wouldn't be able to give Mike his toboggan and Christmas 
would be ruined!

"Oh no!" exclaimed Chester. "This is like the time Lord Overtron built a 
weather controlling machine during the second season of-"

"There's no time to waste!" interrupted Brad. "We have to get on this case 
immediately!" He then turned to Rory. "How about we start by investigating 
your room, sweetie?" he asked the nubile college girl with a leer, dull 
poppyseeds glistening between his yellowed teeth and coffee dripping from 
his shaggy beard.

Before she could answer, there was a commotion, and the door to the inn flew 
open. A shadowy figure strode into the room, and everyone gasped when they 
realized who it was.

"Dean!" Rory Girlmore excalimed. "What are you doing here?"

Rory Gilmour's ex-boyfriend Dean Forester stood in the door, wearing a 
leather jacket and aviator sunglasses and like some shiny body armor on his 
legs and a bunch of other cool looking crap. His handsome brown hair flowed 
ominously in a gust of cool wind that whisked past him into the inn. In one 
hand he held a .36 Klugg automatic pistol; in the other was one of those 
sticks with a robot claw on the end where if you squeeze the stick it makes 
the claw do a pinchy-grabby motion.

"Okay, three things," Lorelai snapped. "One, what are you doing here, Deen? 
Two, close the door already because you're letting too much cold air in. 
Three, how did you even open the door with both of your hands full like 
that?"

Dean stepped inside and looked at all of them, and the sunglasses slid down 
his nose a little so that he was looking over the tops of them, making him 
look even cooler. "I suppose you owe me an explanation..." he began, 
confident and sheepish at the same time.

"Darn right you do," Lorelai said.

"And the forty bucks I loaned you four months ago," Rory added.

Chester spoke as the sight of this handsome stranger drew out a new epiphany 
in him. "And aren't you the guy who stole my bike once when I was 
fourteen?" Chestor asked.

Lorelai scratched her chin in thought. "Come to think of it, you know how we 
thought those were racoons digging through the recycling?" she said. "I 
think it must have been Dean, stealing the aluminum so he could take it and 
recycle it for spare cash."

Dean tucked away his pistol and flashed them all a stunning, disarming grin. 
With a well-practiced motion of his deft and noble hands, he whipped off his 
glasses and tucked them into the collar of his shirt. "Easy, everybody," he 
said. "There's a perfectly good explanation for all of this, and I'll 
explain it to you."

"Oh, okay," Lorelai said.

"Does this have anything to do with the missing snow?" Mike asked.

"Yes!" Dean said, as he jumped up on a nearby table triumphantly. "For you 
see..."

"I knew it!" Brad snarled challengingly. "You stole the snow! You probably 
thought it was cocaine and tried to snort it! Fiend!" And Brad charged at 
Dean, the mighty thews of his legs pumping vigorously to propel him in a 
running motion. He leapt at him with a jumping motion that led to a flying 
tackle, sailing through the air. His wild hair flowed all about, giving him 
the air of a vicious, deranged animal as he took his flight of justice in a 
mighty lunge for the unsuspecting Dean Forsetter.

But in one smooth movement, Dean took hold of Brad's arm and expertly 
sidestepped his skilled tackle, guiding him to the ground and keeping him 
immobilized in an arm lock. "Hold it!" Dean yelled. "I didn't steal the 
snow, okay? Let me explain!"

"And are you gonna give me my forty dollars?" Rory asked.

Dean shook his head. "You'll have to take what you can get," he said. And 
Rory nodded wisely as this sage advice entered her brain, and she sat down 
to listen attentively at once.

"I'm investigating the disappearance of the snow," Dean went on, gesturing 
with a wide, sweeping motion to make his words more clear. "See, since you 
last saw me I've joined on with a secret agency of heroic detectives, called 
the Federal Investigation Agency. I've become an expert marksman proficient 
in several forms of martial arts, and have learned the amazing skills of a 
detective. In my new job with the FIA, it's my sworn duty to solve crimes 
plauging humanity."

Lorelai gave him a strange look. "Dean," she said, "why'd you do all this?"

"I'll tell you," Dean told her. "I was walking home a few months ago, having 
ransacked your garbage for aluminum cans, when I had a vision... a waking 
dream. In it, a lawless society overran everything that we hold dear, 
shattering the hopes and dreams of all great people. The sky grew dark and 
red, and even the skyscrapers of the great cities looked like crumbling 
black monoliths. From the pit of despair rose a great demon named Vengeance, 
and blood dripped from his mouth as spikes shot from his hands, impaling 
everybody in their path. And after the carnage had cleared, I saw one little 
boy stagger away, blinded and starving, begging for somebody to take hold of 
him and make this all right." A single tear poured down Dean's cheek. "And 
that little boy... was AMERICA." He put his hand over his heart solemnly.

"S-so that's why you begame an FIA detective?" Rory asked.

"No, actually," Dean said. "After the vision was over, I realized I needed 
cash because I was so poor I was stealing the aluminum cans from people's 
garbage, and this job pays well. I make $56.75 an hour plus benefits."

"And you can't afford to pay me my forty dollars." Rory glared at him 
flatly.

Dean shook his head, making his hair float around like a really sexy brown 
halo. "No, sorry," he said. "It's rough out there, and I need every penny to 
get by."

"So how can we find out where the snow went?" Chester asked.

"Let's split up!" Mike said. "Chester, you and Lorelai check the kitchen. 
Dean and I will check the rooms upstairs. Brad, why don't you and Rory go 
investigate her room like you suggested. And the rest of the guys can go 
check out the supply closet."

Dean clapped Mike on the back. "Great idea!" he said. "You're as smart as 
you are handsome!" he said.

"Thanks man," Mike said. "That means a lot coming from a cool guy like 
you." They headed off to the rooms upstairs. Chester felt a sharp pang in 
his side for some reason. It bothered him that Mike thought Dean was so 
cool. He wanted to be the one to impress Mike today, with the awesome new 
sled he had gotten him!

"Let's check out your room, baby," Brad said to Rory. His lecherous, beady 
eyes traveled up and down her body. "Nice pajamas, by the way."

"Thanks," she said. "I got 'em at this great shop at Yale. They were ten 
percent off!"

"Let's go on back and see if we can't get 'em a hundred percent off." Brad 
wiggled his thick eyebrows at her lewdly.

"Huh?" Rory said, confused.

"Here's how I see it," Brad said. "You know what the difference between 
jelly and jam is?"

Rory's brow furrowed in puzzlement. "Well, jam has these bits of fruit--"

Brad's mouth widened into a grin. "Nope," he said. "It's that I can't JELLY 
my cock down your pretty little throat." He took Rory's hand and led her, 
wide-eyed and speechless, back towards her room.

Chester rolled his eyes and turned to Lorelai. "Brad's always such a wierd 
guy," he said. "Anyway, should we go to the kitchen?"

Lorelai chuckled and nodded. "Let's go," she said. "There's a secret passage 
from here in the dining room." She pulled on the stand of a nearby lamp, and 
the wall creaked open to reveal a dark tunnel of crumbling gray masonry. 
Water dripped within it, and cobwebs lined the walls from disuse.

"Ladies first," Chester said with a gracious bow.

Lorelai took a flashlight from the nearby closet and stepped through the 
secret door, and they started walking down the narrow hallway of the stone 
tunnel. For a minute they walked, the only sound the occasional dripping of 
water and the scrapes of their feet upon the stone. Soon they came to some 
stairs heading down into deeper depths, but before descending Lorelai turned 
to Chester.

"Chester, you've been awfully quiet," she said. "What's troubling you?"

"Well," Chester said, "it's the way that the Smurfs and the Kansas City 
Chiefs spell their plural names with an 'f'. I mean, we talk about 'knives' 
and 'wolves' and 'shelves,' so why not call them the 'Smurves' and the 
'Kansas City Chieves?'"

"I know!" Lorelai said. "That's always bothered me too! It's like, who do 
they think they're fooling?"

Chester chuckled weakly, and they started down the stairs. Lorelai could 
have no way of knowing that that wasn't what truly troubled him. In spite of 
his earlier refutation of Brad's predictions, he was worried about this 
Christmas. Not only was there no snow to enjoy with Mike and the sled 
Chester had bought him for Christmas, but that new Dean Forrestor guy was 
way cooler than him, and now he was hanging out with Mike and searching the 
rooms! They'd probably already solved the case, and here Chester was stuck 
trudging through this dungeon!

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, suddenly a hunched-over, 
squealing shape dropped down at them! It was gray and covered in fur and 
ragged clothes; roughly human-shaped, but with a long pink tail and nasty 
pink clawed hands, and its head looked like--

"Aaahhh!" Loreralia screamed. "It's a wererat!"

The vicious creature hissed and lunged at Lorelai, and, inspired by the 
heroism in his own soul, Chester pushed her out of the way! The snarling 
wearrat instead tackled Chester to the hard stone ground, and it was all he 
could do to grab its wrists before it grabbed him. The frustrated monster 
screamed in frustration, and Chester drove his knee hard into its crotch, 
but it wasn't fazed.

"That won't do any good!" Lorelai screamed, her voice sounding distraught. 
"The only way to defeat one of them is with a silver weapon!"

Chester knew then what he had to do. He released his grip with his right 
hand to grab down in his pocket, allowing the wererat to grab him. Fighting 
off his own fear, he withdrew the silver pocketknife that Mike had given him 
for the Summer Equinox and flicked it open. The wererat bit down on the side 
of his shoulder, making intense pain shoot through his body, but Chester 
gritted his teeth and brought the knife up into the center of its chest! 
With a hiss and a snarl, the wererat reared up off of him, then keeled over 
dead, its flesh smoking.

"Oh, no, Chester!" Laurilei kneeled by his side. "You're hurt!"

Chester scowled at the pain. "That was bad!" he said. "M-my shoulder... I 
think it's hurt really badly. I-I wanna heal! I wanna feel like I'm close to 
something real! I wanna find something I've wanted all along..."

"Hold on," Lorelai said, "I know some simple healing magic." She put his 
head on her lap and started softly chanting. "Just lie still." 

A wave of warm blue energy flowed from Lorelai's hand as she touched his 
shoulder. Chester felt his flesh mending, but more importantly, he felt the 
nurturing warmth of Lorelai's good nature overcoming him. He was shamed at 
his earlier deception of her. He felt he could trust her with his life... so 
what reason did he have for deceiving her?

As the healing magic finished its work, Lorelai stood up with a perky smile. 
"Are you feeling better?" she asked.

"Lorelai," Chester said with a heavy heart, "I have to confess something. I 
wasn't completely honest with you up at the top of the stairs. I mean, the 
thing with the Chieves and the Smurves does bug me, but the truth is that... 
well, it's Mike. He's a great guy and I wanted to impress him by getting him 
this awesome black toboggan so we could go riding in the snow with it, but 
somebody stole all the snow and now he's hanging out with that really cool 
guy Dean and it feels like I don't even matter anymore!" Chester sniffed. "I 
want Mike to think I'm cool like Dean!"

"Oh, Chester," Lorelai said, touching him with soothing concern. "I know 
Dean's a really cool guy, but... I can tell Mike really cares about you. 
He'll like you no matter what. And besides, we'll get that snow back. You 
ready to go?"

Chester was reinvigorated by her encouraging words. "You bet!" he said, 
pumping a fist in the air. "Let's do this!"

They walked on a little further, and soon came to a ladder leading up. This 
time Chester went first, because Lorelai was wearing a skirt and it wouldn't 
be polite to climb up the ladder after her. At the top was a trap door that 
opened into the kitchen! Chester climbed out into the bustling kitchen, then 
graciously helped Lorelai up as well. 

"Any sign of the snow?" she asked him.

"No, not yet," Chester said. "But we've got to start looking!"

Chester looked everywhere, but there was no snow to be found. Not in the 
mixing bowls, not in the microwave, not in the dishwasher, not in the 
oven... no snow, anywhere! He was just about to consider moving the search 
on to a different location when he heard an astonished gasp from Lorelai. He 
turned and saw her standing beside the freezer, the door of which she had 
opened.

"Chester!" Lorelai exclaimed. "Look!"

Sure enough, the inside of the freezer was lined in places with white, 
powdery cold frost. Chester ran his finger along it, and though it was hard 
and crusted, the very top layer of it came away on top of his finger. Little 
white crystals, already melting into water at his touch...

"The snow!" Chester said. "Whoever took the snow must have put it in the 
freezer for a while, because there are traces of it still here!"

"Wow, you're right!" Lorelai said. "I didn't notice that! I just saw that 
there was one of these really awesome frozen key lime pies in there, and I 
thought I'd take it out and let it thaw so we could have it later."

"Oh, yeah, good thinking," Chester said. "That sounds good!"

"But we should meet up with the others and tell them about the clue we 
found," Lorelai said. "Except this time let's just use the regular door."

They walked through the door from the kitchen into the dining room, just in 
time to see Mike and Dean entering as well. "Hey, Chester!" Mike called out 
with an amiable quality to his voice. "Did you guys find anything?"

"We found a clue," Chester said.

"Well what is it?" Dean asked. "The fate of the snow hangs in the balance!"

"I'll tell you soon," Chester said. "But where's Brad?"

At that moment, Brad and Rory walked in from the direction they had gone. 
Brad was zipping up his jeans with a smug expression, and Rory was both 
stifling a giggle and wiping her mouth on the sleeve of her pajama shirt. 
"Hey, guys," Brad said, "we looked as hard as we could for the snow, but 
couldn't find anything."

"Well, we found a clue," Lorelai said. "There were traces of snow... in the 
FREEZER!" Everybody gasped. "So that means that whoever took the snow hid it 
in the kitchen for a while, then moved it somewhere else!"

"But what could anyone use snow for in a kitchen?" Dean asked.

"Frozen margaritas," Lorelai said. 

"Don't forget snow cones," Rory added.

"And snow crab legs," Lorelai said. "In fact, that was Wednesday's special a 
couple nights ago."

"Don't forget fresh-baked snow loaf," Rory said, "and a nice hearty bowl of 
snow chowder."

"Ooh, that sounds good," Lorelai said. "Then there's deep-fried snow 
poppers, home-style macaroni and snow, and Snow Krispies cereal."

"You're making me hungry," Rory said, rubbing her belly.

"Want a second helping, baby?" Brad asked with a mighty leer.

"Wait..." Chester said, horror dawning upon him. "Is it possible that all of 
the snow's already been EATEN?"

Everybody gasped. "Oh no!" Mike said. "If that's the case, then Christmas 
will be ruined!"

Chester knew it. Suddenly his hopes came crashing down, and a wave of 
melancholy descended over him. The snow had already been eaten by greedy 
corporate gluttons, and as a result there was no more snow for them! Now 
Mike would never get to enjoy his new toboggan, and Christmas really would 
be ruined! But in a moment of clarity, his eyes flashed up and saw the 
window, and...

"Hey, look!" Chester bolted up and ran to the window. Outside, a thin layer 
of white dust covered the ground, and thick, plump flakes drifted down all 
around, adding to it constantly. "The snow! It's falling out of the sky 
somehow!"

"There's only one explanation for this!" Dean exclaimed. "GOD has stolen the 
snow, and now he's feeling guilty and giving it back!"

"Hooray!" Mike exclaimed. "We have snow again!"

"This is a miracle!" Chester said. "I can't believe the snow's coming back!"

"This is an even bigger surprise than the time when Greg 'The Hammer' 
Valentine won the WWE World Title!" Rory exclaimed.

"I think that reference is a bit too 'meta' for them," Lorelai said, putting 
a hand on his daughter's shoulder.

"Even though he's giving it back, God will still have to answer for this!" 
Dean bellowed. "I'm going to get on a rocketship and go up and arrest him 
for this!" He stormed out of the door of the inn, which he had never 
actually closed, and slammed it shut behind him.

Chester was still awestruck when Mike walked up beside him, carrying a gift-
wrapped box, smiling shyly. "Hey, Chester," he said, "I wanted to give you 
this." 

Chester turned and tore open the wrapping paper at once, revealing a 
glorious sight to his eyes... "The Collector's Edition complete box set of 
Justice Fusion Robots HYPER! Oh man! Thanks, Mike! This is the best 
Christmas ever!" He gave Mike a big, tight hug, but then pulled away when he 
realized that he had a gift of his own. "Hold on a second, okay! Just close 
your eyes, and I'll be right back!"

"All right." Mike closed his eyes, and Chester skipped off to his truck 
outside, where the beautiful black toboggan was sitting covered by a tarp, a 
single bow wrapped around its body. He threw the tarp off and grabbed the 
toboggan, then rushed inside to Mike.

"Okay, you can open 'em," Chester said.

Mike opened his eyes, which opened even wider when they saw his gift. "Oh, 
wow, what an awesome toboggan! This thing's great! I can't wait to take it 
out and use it in this snow! What a perfect present, Chester!"

"I'm glad you like it." Chester blushed furiously as a smile crawled over 
his face.

"But it's not just the toboggan," Mike said. "You saved the day again, 
Chester. You'll always be my hero. And the greatest Christmas present I 
could ever ask for is just having you in my life. I love you man."

"And I love you, Mike," Chester said. Mike Shimoda came forward and gave 
Chester another big hug, which Chester returned warmly. As he held onto 
Mike, he reflected that for all the commercialness and jaded way that the 
season often seemed, that true moments like this kept a real Christmas 
spirit inside of him. He couldn't remember feeling so happy any time before, 
and he never wanted this magical days to end. However, he knew that they 
were approaching an end, and it was the best kind. And all that was left to 
say was...

"Now THIS is what I call a happy ending," Chester sang.

THE END.