Violent Entertainment
Enterprises
proudly presents...
in association with
Alvin Fuzzball Cinema
Starring
Terry "Hunk"
Higgins
with
Sean Connery
Angela Lansbury
and
Mel Brooks
as
The Angel Of Christmas
[As the credits fade away, the scene is the a village on the steppes of Russia.
A caption at the bottom of the screen reads "December 24th, 1209, Russia" just
in case. Some children are gathered around, talking excitedly.]
Boy #1: I wonder what Father Christmas will bring ME this year? I'll
bet I get a stick horse!
Boy #2: No, he'll bring me a bow and arrows so I can fight against the
Mongol hordes when I'm older!
Girl: Aleksander, don't you know by now that the Mongol hordes are just
something our parents tell us about to scare us and make us behave? They're no
more real than Father Christmas is.
Boy #1: FATHER CHRISTMAS ISN'T REAL!?!?
Boy #2: Petra's just being mean. Of course Father Christmas is real.
Girl: You're both so gullible. I suppose you truly believe that Genghis
Khan exists too. A mighty warrior who commands your Mongol hordes and wades
knee-deep in the blood of his victims.
Boy #2: Quit teasing us, Petra, or Father Christmas won't bring you any
presents. You shouldn't be so mean.
Girl: You shouldn't believe everything you hear.
Boy #2: We're not believing you, now are we?
[Suddenly, a man runs onto the scene.]
Man: Children, get inside!! The Mongol hordes have arrived!!
[The man continues running through the village, alerting people to the presence
of the Mongols.]
Boy #1: Come on, Aleksander. Let's go see them!
Boy #2: It sounds dangerous... but fun!
[The two boys begin running off. Petra, the girl, runs after them.]
Girl: They're not really here, that man was just trying to get us to go
inside so our parents can give us chores to do. You're wasting time.
Boy #1: Then why are you following us?
Girl: I don't want to do my chores either, you know.
[The scene fades as the children run into the distance.]
[The scene opens with Genghis Khan and his Mongol hordes meeting with the elder
of the village and his bodyguards outside of the village.]
G. Khan: So, how about it, village elder. Do you agree to pay the
tribute, or do you want this little village of yours destroyed instead?
V. Elder: We can't afford to pay what you ask! It'll ruin us!!
G. Khan: Well, ya know somethin', village elder, since it's clear
you're not gonna pay the tribute, since it's clear that you're not gonna come
down out of the rafters and settle this the easy way, we're gonna have to do it
the hard way, brother. When I was hanging and banging on the Mongolian steppes
the other day, all the little Mongolmaniacs said, "Please, Genghis Khan, loot
the village, burn the crops, ravage the women, and kill everything in sight".
So since you don't seem to know who the man is, and since you don't seem to
know where the power lies, you leave me with no choice but to attack, Jack. So
what'cha gonna do when the Mongolian hordes and the strongest military force in
the universe RUNS WILD ON YOU, DUDE!?!?
[Genghis Khan motions for his men to attack and they quickly begin advancing on
the village. The village elder panicks, draws the warhammer at his side, and
strikes Genghis Khan across the face with it in a mighty blow. Genghis Khan
barely even flinches, though, and he shakes his head with a wild look in his
eyes. The village elder tries to swing again, but Genghis Khan blocks it,
punches him in the face three times with his free hand, then bowls him over
with a big kick to the chest. He then steps back from the fallen elder, runs at
him, and drops a big leg across his throat. Genghis Khan dramatically tears off
his leather armor from the waist up, revealing a muscular chest and muscular
arms. He stands over the village elder's body and flexes his muscles in various
poses as the Mongol warriors invade the city. The scene fades away...]
[... into the interior of the now-ravaged city. The few buildings that are left
standing are burning to the ground and are littered with arrows. The ground is
scattered with the bodies of the dead. A barrel suddenly tips over, and Petra
and Aleksander, the girl and the boy from earlier, climb out of the barrel,
along with their friend, the other boy.]
Aleksander: It's a good thing they didn't find us hiding in that
barrel. Do you think they're finally gone?
Petra: I hope so. That was awful. Those Mongols were mean.
Boy #1: What do we do now? I'm scared.
Aleksander: I guess we have to round up the grown-ups that made it
through the fight and help them rebuild the town.
Boy #1: But what about Christmas?
Petra: We don't have time for Christmas right now. We have to try to
save what's left of the town.
Boy #1: NO!! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN!! GENGHIS KHAN RUINED CHRISTMAS!!
Petra: If we work hard, we can rebuild the village and have a great
Christmas next year. I don't like it either. But it's all we can do.
Boy #1: NEXT YEAR!?!?!?
Aleksander: Christmas was supposed to be the happiest time of year...
but Genghis Khan ruined it. What's the point of worrying about Christmas
anymore? It can be spoiled just like any other day. You know, I don't think
there's really anything special about Christmas at all.
[The children walk away, heading through the city to find adult survivors of
the attack. The camera pulls up to a bird's eye view of the village, and slowly
pulls away until nothing is distinguishable among the white winter landscape.]
[The scene fades into a cozy-looking house among a furious blizzard, and a
caption reads "NORTH POLE" at the bottom of the screen. The camera continues on
to a view inside of the house, where Santa Claus, with a broken leg in a cast,
sits by a fire with Mrs. Claus and the Angel of Christmas.]
Angel: Santa, old chap, are you feeling any better?
S. Claus: I'm afraid not, friend. I can't drive the sleigh like this...
I wish the ice around here wasn't so slippery, or I never would have fallen and
hurt my leg in the first place.
Angel: That's mighty depressing news, Santa. Right now, you're needed
more than ever. Genghis Khan and his Mongol horde sacked a village in Russia,
and all the good little boys and girls there aren't going to get any Christmas
presents.
Mrs. Claus: Why, that's terrible!! What a horrible man that Genghis
Khan is!
S. Claus: Oh, how I wish I could help... you've done so much for me,
Angel of Christmas, looking after the reindeer since my accident... but we know
that only a man working out of the kindness of his heart can drive my flying
sleigh. As much as I know you'd like to help, angels can't drive my sleigh.
Angel: I know... but there has to be an answer!
[Suddenly, an elf bursts in through the door.]
Elf: Santa, terrible news!! The roof on the workshop collapsed, and
when it fell, all the toys were crushed!!
S. Claus: Worse upon worse! But... oh, I couldn't have delivered them
anyway this year... this is simply terrible! First Genghis Khan sacks that
Russian village full of good boys and girls on Christmas eve, and now this!?
There must be some way to save Christmas!
Elf: Genghis Khan!? Oh, if only my big brother wasn't off searching for
the One Ring in the Misty Mountains today, he'd teach Genghis Khan a lesson for
sure!
Mrs. Claus: Oh, whatever shall we do!?
Angel: I think I have an idea. It's a long shot, but it might be the
only hope left of saving Christmas. I'll be back soon.
S. Claus: Whatever you have planned, I hope it works...
Mrs. Claus: Good luck, Angel of Christmas!!
[The Angel of Christmas disappears in a sparkling cloud of dust, as the scene
fades out on Santa Claus's house.]
[The Mongol Hordes are shown at a camp, with their saddle bags and packs full
of ill-gotten loot. Genghis Khan is with them.]
G. Khan: Well, ya know somethin', Mongol warriors, now that all those
no-good Commie Russians have seen who the man is, now that they've seen where
the power lies, everybody's gonna know that Genghis Khan is the greatest
warrior in the universe, dude. And when these other countries stop climbing
around in the rafters like monkeys, when everybody bows down before me and
says, "Please, Genghis Khan, spare our puny pathetic little villages from your
mighty Mongol warriors..." then it'll be that much more fun to beat those
cowards and prove once and for all that I'm the man, brother.
M. Warrior: Yeah, you tell 'em, Genghis Khan!!
G. Khan: Well, I'm gonna get my beauty sleep, brothers. I need to be
well-rested for another day of pillaging and looting tomorrow.
[The Mongol warriors, including Genghis Khan, head into their tents for the
night. When Genghis Khan gets into his tent, he finds the Angel of Christmas
waiting for him.]
Angel: Genghis Khan, do you realize exactly what you've done!?
G. Khan: Uhh... no?
Angel: When you looted that village tonight, you ruined Christmas for
all the little boys and girls that live there!
G. Khan: Um... oops. Sorry about that. Who are you anyway, brother?
Besides that, what are you doing in my tent?
Angel: I'm the Angel of Christmas, Genghis Khan. Santa Claus fell on
some slippery ice and hurt himself, so he can't deliver presents to those good
boys and girls in that village you looted and make up for what you did to
Christmas. Those boys and girls are going to have an awful Christmas, and it's
all your fault!!
G. Khan: Yeah, whatever. Come on, get out of my tent, brother, I need
to get some rest.
Angel: I see you still don't understand. Come on, we're going on a
little trip.
[The Angel of Christmas grabs Genghis Khan, and the two of them begin fading
away.]
G. Khan: What the--
[Genghis Khan and the Angel of Christmas fade away, out of the tent, and the
camera fades out on it.]
[The camera fades back in on a scene of a handful of villagers gathered around
a fire, including Aleksander, Petra, and the boy they were with earlier. Over
the fire is roasting a single, somewhat small chicken. Genghis Khan and the
Angel of Christmas appear, in transparent form, behind the whole scene.]
G. Khan: YUMMMM!! Roast chicken, brother!!
[Genghis Khan tries to push past the villagers and grab the chicken off the
spit over the fire, but his hands pass right through everything.]
Angel: We're like ghosts here, Genghis Khan. They can't see us or touch
us, and we can't touch them.
G. Khan: Aw, come on, how am I supposed to slay them in combat then,
dude!?
Angel: You aren't. Now, I want you to pay very close attention to what
you've caused these people to endure.
Boy #1: I can't believe this is all we'll get for a Christmas feast.
Man #1: It's all because of those Mongol hordes! Curse them for ruining
our Christmas!!
Woman #1: Come on, now. We have to make the most of it and try to be
happy. It's Christmas, after all.
Aleksander (to Petra): It sure doesn't feel like Christmas.
Petra: I know.
G. Khan: Hey, who are those kids? How come I didn't get a chance to
slay them when I looted the village!?
Angel: They're Petra and Aleksander. They hid from you in a barrel when
your horde ransacked the village. They're two of the kids who won't have a
happy Christmas this year because of you.
G. Khan: Ah, this is boring, brother. Can't you let me slay them now!?
Or can I at least eat the roast chicken!?
Angel: This isn't going to be easy. If this won't convince you, let's
look far, far into the future...
[The Angel of Christmas and Genghis Khan disappear again.]
[They reappear, still transparent, in a snowy street of a modern American
city... a caption reading "AMERICA, 1999" helps to clear that up nicely. A
group of kids are seen talking to a pair of children who look remarkably like a
contemporary American version of Petra and Aleksander.]
Boy #1: I still don't understand? Penny and Alex, why aren't you
excited? It's Christmas! It's a wonderful time of the year where we celebrate
and get presents!
Alex: Not at our house. Our dad says that there's just no reason to
celebrate Christmas, because bad things happen on Christmas just like every
other day.
Penny: Yeah. What's so special about Christmas, anyway? It's just
another day of the year.
Boy #1: No, it isn't. What about Santa Claus?
Penny: Oh, you know that Santa Claus isn't real. Stop being a baby.
Boy #1: SANTA CLAUS ISN'T REAL!?!?!?
Alex: ...That's right. He's just something everyone makes up because
people think kids are stupid enough to believe it.
Penny: Yeah. We don't celebrate Christmas, and neither does our dad, or
his dad's dad, or anyone in his family as far back as anyone can remember. So
we don't care about made-up stories like Santa Claus. They're all just make-
believe.
[The kids keep walking past.]
G. Khan: Come on, brother, why are you showing me all these stupid
kids? What do you think I am, a nursemaid or something?
Angel: No, I think you're responsible for ruining Christmas for Penny
and Alex's entire family forever. Because of what you did in that village,
Petra and Aleksander stopped believing in the magic of Christmas. And they
never let their children believe in Santa Claus, or put up Christmas trees, or
even get Christmas presents. It carried down through the generations, and their
descendants that you see here today still don't believe in Christmas.
G. Khan: Man... that's sad, brother. All because I torched that one
little village?
Angel: I'm afraid so. Genghis Khan, I'm afraid you ruined Christmas for
those children and their family forever.
G. Khan: Aw, man... I never meant to do that, dude. Is there anything I
can ever do to make it better?
Angel: Actually, there is. Now, listen close to me...
[The Angel of Christmas pulls Genghis Khan aside and begins whispering in his
ear as the scene fades out.]
[The scene fades back in on the cozy interior of Santa Claus's house in the
North Pole.]
S. Claus: Oh, I do hope that the Angel of Christmas is able to do
something about this! Christmas will be ruined for all those good boys and
girls!!
Mrs. Claus: Don't worry, dear. I'm sure he's trying his hardest.
[There's a knock on Santa's door.]
Mrs. Claus: Now who could that be?
[Mrs. Claus answers the door, to reveal Genghis Khan and the Angel of Christmas
standing outside. Genghis Khan steps in.]
G. Khan: Burrrr, it's COLD outside, brother!!
S. Claus: Genghis Khan!? What are you doing here!?
G. Khan: Well, ya know somethin', Santa Claus, I've been hanging and
banging with the Angel of Christmas here, and he begged me, "Please, Genghis
Khan, you have to help Santa Claus deliver presents to good boys and girls who
don't deserve to miss Christmas this year, dude." So now that everybody knows
who the man is, and everybody knows where the power lies, what'cha gonna do
when Genghis Khan wants to make things right again and DRIVE YOUR SLEIGH FOR
YOU, DUDE!?!?
S. Claus: My goodness! I never thought I'd see it, but Genghis Khan,
you've had a true change of heart!
...It's no use, though... all the toys were crushed when the elves'
workshop collapsed. Even with your help, I don't know how we can ever give the
boys and girls the wonderful toys that they deserve!!
G. Khan: You leave that to me, Santa Claus. Now let's rock and roll!!
[Genghis Khan and the Angel of Christmas head outside.]
S. Claus: Good luck!!
Mrs. Claus: I do declare, Genghis Khan is a whole new person! He's
become a kind man!
S. Claus: I just hope he can find more toys for all those good little
boys and girls.
[The scene fades out on the Santa Claus household.]
[The next scene opens with Genghis Khan sitting at the driver's seat of Santa
Claus's sleigh. The reindeer are all ready to go, and the Angel of Christmas is
sitting beside him.]
G. Khan: I know just where we can get all the presents we need,
brother. Come on, let's go, reindeer!!
[The sleigh takes off at an alarming rate of speed. The camera switches to a
view of Genghis Khan and the Angel of Christmas in the seat, as the scenery
flies by them.]
G. Khan: Whoa!! This sleigh sure is fast, brother!!
Angel: It has to be, to take Santa Claus all around the world in one
night to deliver his presents.
G. Khan: My camp in Russia wasn't too far from the North Pole, brother.
We should be close by now.
[The sleigh slows down and nears the ground, finally landing in Genghis Khan's
war camp. Everyone seems to be asleep.]
G. Khan: I'll be right back.
[Genghis Khan walks into a tent, grabs two large sacks, and puts them in the
back of Santa's sleigh. He returns to the tent for two more large sacks to put
in the sleigh, then grabs two more, and keeps going until the sleigh is packed
full of sacks.]
Angel: What have you got there?
G. Khan: It's a bunch of loot that my Mongol warriors have raided from
all the kingdoms and villages we plundered, brother. It'll be perfect as
presents for the kids!! Next stop, the village!
[The scene fades out as the sleigh disappears into the night sky.]
[A scene is shown of the meager Christmas feast at the ruined village coming
to an end. The adults are all going inside of makeshift shelters for the
night.]
Man #1: You kids can stay up a little longer, but I think you should
go to bed soon. Good night!
[Petra, Aleksander, and the other boy remain outside.]
Boy #1: Do you think Santa Claus will come to save Christmas tonight?
It's getting awfully late...
Petra: I told you, he doesn't exist. He's not coming.
Aleksander: ...Maybe he will. I don't know. ...What's that in the sky?
[Suddenly, the magic sleigh, driven by Genghis Khan, quickly descends on the
village and lands in front of the children.]
Petra: Genghis Khan!!
Boy #1: Oh, no, he's back, and he's going to ruin Christmas twice!!
G. Khan: Well, ya know somethin', little kids, Genghis Khan's been
hanging and banging with the Angel of Christmas, and Genghis Khan's been
hanging and banging with Santa Claus, and since I feel bad about ruining
Christmas for you kids, since I want everybody to know that the spirit of
Christmas will live forever, I wanted to do the right thing and try to make
this Christmas a little better. So what'cha gonna do when Genghis Khan BRINGS
CHRISTMAS TO YOU!?!?
Aleksander: You brought Christmas here, to us?
G. Khan: I sure did, brother.
[He reaches into a bag, and pulls out a bow and a quiver full of arrows, which
he hands to Aleksander.]
G. Khan: Here's the bow and arrows you wanted so you can fight against
my Mongol hordes, brother. Now, the next time we come back to loot your
village, I expect you to get a couple of us with it!!
Aleksander: Oh, I will, Genghis Khan! Thanks!
[Genghis Khan reaches into a bag again, and pulls out an ornate, jeweled crown,
which he gives to Petra.]
G. Khan: And here's a pretty little crown for you, little girl... now
you can pretend like you're the Princess of Russia!!
Petra: Oh, thank you, Genghis Khan! It looks like a real crown that a
real queen might have worn!
G. Khan: Actually, now that you mention it--
Boy #1: What about me? Do you have a stick horse for me, Genghis Khan?
G. Khan: Sure, brother, hang on a second.
[Genghis Khan rummages through his bags for a while, before pulling out a small
golden statue of a man astride a horse.]
G. Khan: Uhh... is this close enough?
Boy #1: Sure! Thanks, Genghis Khan, it's a great present!!
G. Khan: Well, I'm glad I could help you kids out. I'm really sorry I
sacked your village, and if I had it to do over again, I'd wait until after
Christmas was over.
Aleksander: Thanks again, Genghis Khan. I was starting to worry, but
you helped me to believe in Christmas again!
Petra: Me too. Thanks, Genghis Khan, you really saved Christmas for us!
G. Khan: Well, ya know somethin', little kids, I was happy to bring
your presents tonight, I was happy to set things right, and I was happy to make
sure that Christmas will live forever inside the hearts of all of you. But I've
got more presents to deliver, I have to climb around in rafters like a monkey
and slide down chimneys all night long, kids, and I could sure use some
company. So what'cha gonna do when Genghis Khan says he'd like to make his trip
to deliver presents to boys and girls across the world ALONG WITH YOU!?!?
Aleksander: Wow, really!?
Petra: We'd love to!!
Boy #1: Yeah!! But isn't the sleigh seat full? That angel is already
sitting in it!
[Genghis Khan grabs the Angel of Christmas by his long white robe and tosses
him off the sleigh headfirst into a snowdrift.]
G. Khan: See ya later, Angel of Christmas, me and the kids have some
presents to deliver!!
[The three children hop aboard the sleigh, and Genghis Khan flicks the reigns,
causing the sleigh to take off into the night, with the merry laughter of the
children trailing behind it. The scene fades out.]
[The scene fades into a modern American children's bedroom, where Penny and
Alex are in two beds, with their mom and dad sitting on chairs in front of the
beds.]
Dad: And that's how Genghis Khan saved Christmas for my family a long
time ago. And every year, at Christmas, we gather the family around, and we
have a big Christmas feast and exchange presents, as we pass the story along.
It's been that way ever since that night.
Penny: Wow, that's a great story, Dad.
Alex: Yeah, thanks for telling us all about it. You'll tell it again
next year, right?
Dad: Of course. Now we'd better get to bed, so that Santa Claus... or
maybe even Genghis Khan... can bring us our presents while we're in our beds
sleeping like good little boys and girls. Good night.
[The parents give their children each a pair of good-night kisses, leave the
room, and turn off the light as they walk out of the room.]
Mom (aside, to Dad): I can't believe you that ridiculous story every
year.
Dad (aside, to Mom): Who knows? Maybe it's not so ridiculous after all.
[Penny looks over to Alex in the dark.]
Penny: Do you think that story's true?
Alex: Yeah. I know it's true.
[The children snuggle up to rest in their beds, not noticing the transparent
face of the Angel of Christmas slowly appear, watching through their window
with a warm smile on his face. The dark scene fades into the credits.]
Credits:
Genghis
Khan..........................................Terry
"Hunk" Higgins
Santa Claus..............................................Sean
Connery
Mrs. Claus...............................................Angela
Lansbury
The Angel of Christmas............................Mel Brooks
Everyone Else..........................................None of
your business
Written by: Jesse Day
Edited by: Jesse Day
Directed by: Jesse Day
Funded by: Jesse Day
Graphics by: Jesse Day
Catered by: Jesse Day
Cinematographer: Jesse Day
Historical Researcher: Jesse Day
Genghis Khan Mark: Jesse Day
Special Thanks to: Jesse Day